Waiting……
Patience is not one of my strong suits…..in fact, my lack of patience is one of my character defects, and something I’m not particularly proud of. I tend to run at life full out most of the time, and I don’t like having to slow down or stop and wait for things.
I saw a lovely commercial last night that put this issue at the top of my mind today and has helped me put some thought around what I’ve been feeling these past days. The commercial was by our local CBS station and gave encouraging words about how we’re all in this COVID-19/quarantine/stay home situation together….waiting. And that’s when I realized what is bugging me the most about this whole situation….why my teeth are on edge and I go back and forth between wanting to scream and wanting to cry. I hate waiting!!!! And this type of waiting is absolutely the WORST because I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M WAITING FOR!!!! On some days, and some stages of this situation, I have been waiting to see if I’m going to get sick….was I too close to someone who might have been sick before I knew or they knew that they were contagious….I’ve been waiting for the store to get TOILET PAPER back in stock….I’ve been waiting to know if the person in my building is actually positive for this disease, and if so, were they close to me…..waiting to know when school will resume a normal schedule, waiting to find out if my daughter will be able to wear the prom dress we bought the week before all of the world shut down…waiting to see if she will be able to finish her volleyball club season, or whether she already played her last tournament for this year…..waiting, waiting, waiting…..
This is different from the waiting that we’re used to….we wait for our favorite show to come back on in the new season, we wait for our favorite sport season to start, we wait for birthdays and holidays and special celebrations. And we can stand that kind of waiting because there is a known end date. Not so much with what we’re dealing with right now. Nobody knows, and nobody can give us a good date, and yet we demand these things as if that will help us somehow with the waiting….
So last night I decided I can’t live in the “waiting room” any longer. Now, that doesn’t mean I’m going rogue or ignoring the guidelines and advice I’ve been given. It just means I’m going to stop waiting for something, and instead I’m going to focus on today. What do I have to accomplish today? Who can I reach out to today? Who can I bless today? When I change my focus from waiting to action, I feel the stress of the waiting fall away…..I have no idea how long I will have to wear a mask when I go to the store, but if I have to do it for a long time to keep the people I love safe….so be it. If I stop “waiting” for things to go back to normal, or even to “start again”, I can find blessings in today. And I’m reminded that today is all I ever have anyway, so waiting was always a foolish waste of energy! From this point on, I’m not waiting for my life to be anything other than what it is right now….whatever comes, comes, and I’ll deal with it when it gets here, but not until then!
I continue to pray for those who are adversely affected by all that is going on, health-wise, financially, feeling lonely and isolated. I pray that they will find the blessing of the day in today.
Things are really a mess right now, in a lot of ways, but there are also some pretty wonderful things going on….people helping people, people slowing down and remembering what was important before they got too busy, people being creative to stay connected. I hope we hold onto those things….
Be blessed, wash your hands, and take care of each other. Let’s not wait to do that!