Why?

I really don’t know why bad things happen…..I don’t understand why some people have medical miracles, and others don’t…..I can’t explain how and why hard times come upon people who seem to be “good” people….  And this morning it occurred to me that whenever something like a tragic death of 9 people happens, we want to know “why”…..and some people ask how does a good God let something that seems so bad happen. I admit that I wrestle with explaining and reconciling the idea of a sovereign God and tragic events like the helicopter crash that happened this weekend, and the thousands of other hard and tragic things that happen every day.  

As a Christ follower, I feel this “responsibility” to explain and reconcile Good God with Bad Events.  This morning I was reading an article about the college baseball coach who perished along with his wife and one of his children, and the many touching tributes to Kobe Bryant, and the mention of the girls basketball coach who was also traveling in this helicopter, who leaves behind a grief stricken husband and children, and I was really struggling to reconcile sovereignty and goodness.  I wasn’t in a time of “prayer” but I guess you could call it “praying”, as I was wondering how do I make sense of it all…..and how do I explain it? I was thinking that there have certainly been outpourings of positive statements about being present with those we love, and taking the opportunity to be who you are to be because you’re not guaranteed anything past this breath…..and I recognize that those are positive things.  But, honestly, my thought was “did 9 people have to be sacrificed so we would get that message?” and “God, I believe you’re sovereign, which means nothing happens without you allowing it…..so did you allow these people to die so we would be nicer to each other?” And I had this thought….really more of an awareness, which I’ve come to believe is how God responds to me…..not in an audible way, but in these awarenesses….and that thought was “why do you feel you have to explain it or understand it?”  I was struck by the next awareness….I’ve been thinking about it all day long….as humans, I believe we are wired to be curious, and to learn, and to yearn to understand things….but sometimes that curiosity or desire to know turns into a feeling of entitlement to understand. That thought really struck me….who am I to demand to understand why God does something, doesn’t do something, allows something, protects from something, or whatever happens? And then an even more haunting thought…..does my faith revolve around my understanding of what is happening, and my ability to explain it (and thereby “agree” with it), or does my faith depend on my belief that there is a God who is bigger than I am, who operates on a plane and dimension that I can’t comprehend?  Do I really believe that God is good, and that His plans are good? Am I willing to live a kind of faith that is ok with grieving something hard without understanding the bigger picture? I desire that kind of faith…..the kind of faith that is not dependent on understanding the situation, or the bigger good….the kind of faith that is not based on “proof” that God is good because He never allows hard things, but that deep knowing that God is good, period.  

My wrestling today has brought me some new awareness for how I can approach hard things (because I don’t think there will be any lack of hard things in the future.)  First, I don’t want to develop a sense of “entitlement” to the answers or the understandings about what God is up to…...because a spirit of entitlement isn’t a good foundation for a relationship.  Second, I want to approach these terribly sad, tragic events like the helicopter crash, or a friend’s relapse, or a friend’s scary health diagnosis with a new question….instead of asking God WHY he’s allowing this, I want to ask Him HOW he would like me to respond….to show me HOW to best be His hands and feet, and HOW to best love those around me.  And, in doing that, I pray that I will continue to develop that deep, sustaining, abiding faith in a Good God that makes journeying in this messy life wonderful.