The Key

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it takes to get through this current season.  With all the changes we’re currently facing, it’s been a good time to take stock of what’s important, but also to ask…what do I want to get out of this time?  Who do I want to be at the end of this season?  (Side note, these are not questions that only apply to a pandemic…. they are questions we can ask ourselves at any time and in any season).  There are a lot of folks who have a lot of ideas about how to answer those questions, and there seems to be an incessant stream of information to digest/process/deal with these days.  

So, I was doing some reflecting this morning, which I’ve been doing a lot more of recently because I don’t have to leap out of bed, get dressed, make breakfast, pack lunch and hustle my daughter off to school and me off to the office….and I came to the conclusion that what I want to get out of this time is serenity.  Actually, that’s not a new goal for me….for the past several years that I’ve been doing recovery work I’ve grown to value serenity above all other “success markers” that I’d been tracking for all of my adult life.  

And what, exactly, is serenity?  When I began my study of the topic, I thought that serenity was peace and calmness…. the absence of chaos, or strife, or hardship.  And, if I’m really honest, I thought that maybe serenity was the absence of adventure and fun because the “calm, serene” person would be sitting calmly while things happened around her.  Additionally, I thought serenity was sort of a “wish”, or an unattainable goal because there just didn’t seem to be any absence of chaos and strife.  Well…..I’ve learned how very wrong my definition was.  Serenity is not the absence of strife and chaos; it is the ability to stand in the midst of strife and chaos, without losing your voice, or your confidence in what you believe in, or your peace.  And I don’t know about you, but that is EXACTLY the way I would like to live!  

So, how do we attain this presence, this steadfastness that will give us the strength to withstand whatever life throws at us?  I’ve learned from some very smart (and serene) people throughout my recovery journey that the key to serenity is ACCEPTANCE.  I have a very favorite prayer, called the serenity prayer, that lays out exactly how acceptance works.  The very first element of serenity is accepting things I cannot change.  In the full version of the prayer, there is another line that highlights how acceptance works….it asks for the strength to take the world as it is…. not the way I want it to be.  That is another key to understanding acceptance.  

So, it sounds so easy, right…. just accept, and we’ll have serenity.  Why, then, do we have so much trouble with this, especially right now?  When I look at social media, or even regular media, I see so many people who have no serenity.  That’s what I was thinking about this morning, and it occurred to me that we are overcome with information these days…we have an insatiable appetite to “know”.  The constant pressure to answer Who?, what?, when?, where?, why?….and HOW? on earth do we survive it all?  I think the answer is…..with acceptance.  

Here’s what I’ve come to learn about acceptance.  Acceptance doesn’t mean never questioning to understand, never learning new things, never seeking.  We can do all those things and still have serenity.  Acceptance means being willing to not know until you know.  Acceptance means seeking until you find.  Acceptance means questioning with the motive to learn about, not condemn or argue.  Acceptance means believing that it is ok if someone else has a different viewpoint or idea from yours and that you don’t have to crush theirs to have yours.  Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up or giving in.  Acceptance means giving it over to the One who does know, who can solve.  At its core, acceptance is a heart condition.  As I’ve learned this, I have found that chaos doesn’t have the same devastating effect on me.  I’ve found that strife doesn’t destroy my ability to speak up for myself and for others.  I’ve found the ability to listen to someone’s viewpoint, even when I don’t agree, and sometimes to learn something very valuable in the exchange,  I have found that even when this world isn’t how I would like it to be, I can still find the joy in it.  And, in this season, and hopefully the ones that follow, I’m learning what serenity is, and finding more and more of it every day!  I hope you can find it too because it’s amazing!  

ps.  If you’re looking for a reflection tool to help put some structure to your reflection practice, I have a free resource on my page…. just go to miwreflectionguide.com to grab a copy.  

pps  If you’re not familiar with the serenity prayer, here is the version that I use.  There are some other versions out there, but this is the one I’ve become accustomed to using.    

The Serenity Prayer (the author of this version is unknown)

God, grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

The courage to change the things I can; 

And the wisdom to know the difference

Living one day at a time, 

Enjoying one moment at a time; 

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;

Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world

As it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that you will make all things right, 

If I surrender to Your will

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life, 

And supremely happy, with You, forever in the next. 

Amen