Waiting in a season of waiting
I’m not very patient and being good at waiting is not high on my list of skills. But this year has been an ongoing lesson in waiting, hasn’t it…waiting for answers, waiting for test results, waiting for quarantine periods to end, waiting for what’s “next”. And waiting is hard, and I know in my lifetime I haven’t had to wait like this before….
In some church traditions, tomorrow marks the first Sunday in the church season called “advent”. Advent is a season of waiting and preparing for the celebration of the birth of Jesus. As I was thinking about Advent this morning, I was struck by the thought that this year, Advent is a season of waiting in a season of waiting. We’ve been in an extended waiting period, since March, and now, as we enter this Advent season, we’re “officially” waiting. I got to thinking about how we can “wait well” in this advent season.
Something that has been really helping me recently is learning the difference between expectations and expectancy. I decided several years ago that my expectations were causing me trouble….I believe that expectations are ‘premeditated resentments’ and I have worked hard not to have expectations. (I’m not here to tell you I’m good at it, but it is an area where I am very intentional and work hard on). So, when I would hear people talking about having expectancy, it seemed like a dangerous territory for me to wander into. Recently, my coach helped me see expectancy differently. Instead of expectancy driving expectations, expectancy is a mindset….an understanding of the possibilities…..it’s not expecting that a certain outcome will be the result in any situation, but, rather, being open to the possibility of an outcome. I think of expectancy in the same way I think of hope….not a wish for a certain outcome, but the understanding that there is so much possible.
So, I think the first way to “wait well” is to have an attitude of expectancy….being open to the possibilities of what might be without determining what they need to be.
The second thing that contributes to my ability to wait well is my attitude about waiting. I think one reason I don’t wait well is that I’m anxious to “get through” whatever is standing between me and what ever I’m waiting for. I tend to look “forward” to when the waiting is over….instead of being fully present wherever I am at the moment. A wise man I know tells about how his sponsor taught him to be present. His sponsor would say….look down at your feet….that’s where you are…be there. It sounds simple, but it’s pretty profound to me. How many times have I been looking 10 feet ahead, instead of looking at where I am….what have I missed about where I am, that would make this part of the journey memorable, or productive, or just fun? I know that setting goals and having those goals in front of us is important, but so are the steps that we need to take along the way and being present in those moments. For me, focusing on where I am helps decrease the anxiety that comes along with waiting to ‘get through’, and frees my energy to focus instead on what I’m doing now that is moving me along that path.
I also think it’s important to acknowledge that sometimes the journey is difficult…in those times where we are facing difficulties during the waiting, we don’t have to wax poetic about the waiting time as anything other than HARD. During the Christmas season, we tend to focus on the end result, the birth of Jesus. But the period before the birth that we celebrate was HARD….a young pregnant teenager, traveling to take part in a census, after conceiving a child in a way that many disbelieved, only to find nowhere to stay, and to labor and give birth to her child among the livestock. Nothing about that time of waiting was easy….it was flat out HARD. Especially in this season of extended waiting that we find ourselves in, it is necessary to acknowledge when the waiting is hard, when there are hard things happening during this time. In these times, when the in-between is hard, it’s especially important that we know about waiting well…when we have an expectancy based in a willingness to stay present in the journey, even when it is hard.
The rituals of advent are helpful to me in thinking about how to do this. The traditional themes for advent are Hope, Peace, Love and Joy. If I take one theme each week during this season of waiting and focus on it, I believe I can find what I look for. If instead of focusing on what’s “next”, I continue to look at my feet, and see where I am, I believe the anxiety of “waiting” will fall away. Even in this season of hard things, I believe I can wait well, and I believe you can, too! Let’s wait well together, shall we?