One year ago....

So many posts today about all that happened a year ago, and since then, and so many emotions associated with it all. I have spent the day fluctuating between being sad about what is gone, being grateful for all that has been done, being frustrated by the lack of progress in certain areas, being overwhelmed by the size of the job, to being hopeful that the best really is yet to come. This flux of emotions is unsettling for me….someone who normally can process things fairly quickly, assign the appropriate course of action and then get on with whatever needs to be done in response to the emotion, and it occurred to me this afternoon as I was driving home from work that i actually know EXACTLY what this is….it’s GRIEF.

I learned about grief several years ago. One of the things I learned about grief is how unpredictable it can be and also how unique grief is to everyone. I found that to be especially true today as I saw how differently people are processing the anniversary of an event that changed our lives. Some folks are remembering the events, the feelings of being uncertain, and of watching a storm basically turn into a monster overnight…..that feeling of hopelessness that many of us felt when we realized that there wasn’t time to “get out”, that what we thought we were facing was not in fact what we were facing at all. Some folks are focused on the immediate aftermath, the feelings of unbelief as we surveyed the damage and began “digging out”. Others focused on the strong feelings connection and community, the overwhelming sense of humility at the outpouring of love and help from those we didn’t know all around the country, and how we rallied together, putting aside any differences as unimportant in the face of the destruction. ALL of these things are part of what today is, and will always be for me.

I used to think that the hardest part of dealing with a hurricane would be living without power and water….and while it certainly wasn’t a vacation or an experience I would voluntarily revisit, I’ve come to believe that the two weeks directly after the storm was in many ways easier than the time that has elapsed since….I didn’t like the inconvenience of having no power or water, but I have lost more sleep dealing with insurance claims and mortgage company bureaucracy than I did when my sole focus was helping those in need. I mourn for those who have lost so much, and still fight to repair and replace their homes and belongings…and it is wearying (is that even a word….if not, it should be) to even the toughest among us.

So, on this anniversary day, I acknowledge my grief, and I continue to walk confidently into whatever is next in the “recovery/restoration/renewal” season we’re in. What I know is that even when we feel alone, we’re not….we are members of a group we never wanted to be members of….the survivors of a natural disaster beyond our expectations. We have grown our compassion muscles over this past year, we know what it feels like to feel forgotten, to feel overwhelmed, to feel like it just might be the “new normal” after all. But we also know what it feels like to hug your neighbor and make sure they have enough water and food, to grab a chain saw and a pair of gloves and begin to work to dig out, to forget about those differences that seemed so large “before” and to choose to recover. I believe it’s a choice…we can decide that we have what it takes or we can decide it’s too much for us. I will always be proud to be a part of #850Strong….we are a tough bunch, and I really believe that the best IS yet to come!